Anniversary issue

I should not be here still, since I promised myself to stay in Asia ONLY ONE YEAR. Additionally, I did not (knowingly, at least) sign up for this kind of a ride. It seems like the travel package included some surprises for me.

Truth to be told, I expected my year in South East Asia to be an easy breeze adventure of fun travels, pleasant times, and disconnection from reality. I realize now that that was my situation where I came from. Being here shook me up, slapped me on my face, and poured a bucket of icy water on my body (this last one quite literary, during Songkran).

“So much you say about not liking being here! Look at how much you are learning!”

When somebody from back homes (home one or home two) asks me how I am doing I am not sure how to synthesize what I am going through. Certainly, there have been enjoyable times at the beach, going out at night, and taking short trips. Too, there have been times of deep loneliness. There have been moments of sadness, of painful thinking, of hopeless desperation… I guess that is what a person goes through when far from the comfort of the known and the loved.

Although this is not the first time moving to an unknown place, the time of my life is different and the expectations have changed. The fascination is gone. This time, I knew that I could move to the other side of the world and survive. What I realized in my “third life” is that deep connections become more and more important and that they are not so plentiful.

I moved here for the adventure and hopeful to get some enlightenment of what to do next. My friend Lorena would say here “be careful what you wish for”.

Among the pain and suffering the lotus flower bloomed and I started seeing the beautiful secrets that had been hiding inside. I made peace with my roots, reconsidered my desires over and over, and started dreaming more freely.

The ways in which these things happened are part of a long story that I can tell you about over a chaipuccino or some mates. 

Lotus flower in Khun Han